The D&D gamer

So, have you ever worked in retail? If you have, then you will know that it is your obligation to make sure and talk with your customers about whatever it is that they are interested it, regardless of how much you happen to disapprove of it. It is mostly the simple act of seeming fascinated with the stories that the people (especially the elderly ones) tell, but it does branch off into other areas as well. If there is one thing that I am really good at, it is talking -at length- about things that I don’t know a whole lot about. I credit this directly to my ability to remember mundane facts and figures. I don’t suppose that the ability to rememer useless information will ever get me any further than just being the winner at trivial pursuit, but for some reason the trivial things do just stick in my head.

Normally I just never notice this little ability, if you can even call it that, but, sometimes I am able to talk for at least a good hour about crap that I really don’t think I know anything about. That does seem a bit vague, so I must elaborate. Much like talking to George a couple of days ago about handguns, which I used to know a lot about, but have not actively followed the progression of, I asked him what the powder load of the .50 calibur cartridge was in relation to the load of the .44 cartridge. Why did I ask this, I dunno, where if I had asked him the same question a decade ago I would have known exactly why. Honestly, I even know why today. If you increase the size of the projectile without significantly increasing the powder load, you are making a bigger projectile go much slower and less likely to go through any damn thing. I.E. if you try to shoot a cannonball with a firecracker you aren’t going to get enough velocity to make it out of the barrel, let alone do any damage. Of course, George went on with powder loads and weight issues (things that I would likely have been all over a decade ago), yet, now, I can’t even remember why I was so curious.

The prior story does not matter at all for my purposes today. It simply displays the ability to seem like I care about, and know the requisite lingo to question, whatever the customer happens to come up with. That is the very definition of customer service. If he (George) were to walk away without whatever he came in looking for, he would likely just keep walking, unless he actually wanted to talk to the ‘oh so friendly staff’ for a bit longer. Most notably the guy that just spent a good thirty minutes talking about guns to get him to buy a three dollar steak and a bottle of wine.

So this guy came into the store, I will not describe him here, as I feel I may be just a tad biased. He started talking about the food/drink consumption of your average D&D character. I am not a D&D player, really haven’t been for over a decade, but I did understand what he was talking about. Unfortunateley, for me, I do actually know how to play the game -several years of my life that I regret-. So, being friendly, I started to mention that I hate the way that the four and five sided dice just didn’t seem to roll like they should. Once again, unfortunately, this guy was a DM. He went on to explain that the horrible rolls that I was getting were based on the fact that I was not a competent D&D player. That all might be true, I don’t want to dispute his facts. What I do want to dispute is the business card that he gave to me after this brief conversation.

Not to discuss the person’s name, since it really isn’t important. The guy, the new DM, handed me a business card that said “DM John Doe”, which went on to note his address and phone number, just in case someone actually wanted to learn the game. When I was in Junior High I actualy played a couple of characters, I didn’t win (though I don’t think it is possible to win at D&D).

How far down the road to Loserville must you go before you realize that you have been to ‘Geektown’ and made Mayor there? If you don’t think that printing out your own business cards with the title ‘DM’ on them is a pretty nerdy thing to do, that might be the first clue that you really are a Geek. Not just any geek, no, the kind of geek that makes Star Wars geeks look normal by comparison -And that is saying a lot.

What I really wonder is if the guy actually hands out these business cards when he is in job interviews. That would be absolute proof of either his lunacy, or his firm base in the realm of geekdom, or both.

Thankfully, I only have an unhealthy fascination with porn. That may make me a lot of things, pervert for instance, but at least not a geek. At least not until I figure out how to hack into porn websites, at that point I will be a perverted geek, which may or may not be worse than a D&D geek… I am not sure at this point.

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