Zelda; Drive-Thru commandments

Well, as I predicted in my last update I was not able to do anything on the site for the last few days. Well, that is not exactly true, I could have done stuff on the site but I chose not to. When your options are sleep before working all day or staying awake to write something that no one reads the choice seems pretty simple. Most of the time anyway.

What is thankful/unfortunate about the few days of the absence of the bosses is that nothing really strange or catastrophic happened. That is good for me as far as their opinion of me, but bad for trying to think of entertaining little things to write. I have so little on my mind that I just might have to show a little nipple to make this one interesting.

Before I get into anything else, I must mention that we are having a problem with our little puppy “Zelda”. She was fine when I left for work this morning, running, playing, barking and otherwise just annoying the hell out of me. Sometime after that something happened. (Once again to note that the previous sentence is one of the worst ever written.) Just before I was to come home for lunch, my wife showed up at the store to say that there was something wrong with one of little Zelda’s hind legs and that she was not able to walk. What could possibly have happened to her (the dog) in that span of only a couple of hours remains a mystery.

I should mention that Zelda has never really quite been a ‘normal’ dog. She has what we call a “Roach Back” instead of being flat. She constantly looks like she really needs to just stretch her back out but never does, whether that is due to inability, pain or other we just don’t know. Possibly as a result of whatever the issue is with her back, lower back specifically, she has always walked with a bit of a limp. I had always assumed that this was probably due to an unusual birth that left her with a broken bone that just didn’t heal correctly. With this new problem she is having I am beginning to think that possibly it is something worse.

I am not going to go into speculation about what the particular malady could be as it is just to soon to do so. After all I do remember a time not so long ago when I could not really stand or walk and it just turned out to be a cervical strain. What is to say that she just didn’t do a little doggy version of a sprained ankle? She appears to be getting better as the day progresses, yet she is also on drugs, well aspirin if you really can count that. Being that she is a dog she probably doesn’t have any concept that the pain has gone away because of medicine, so she probably thinks that she is getting better also. I sure do hope that it is just something minor, it is amazing how attached one can become to a pet in only a few months time.

• Now for a drive-thru story.

I have certainly watched enough shows on the history channel to know that the drive-thru came into being for the purpose of making fast food even faster. One of the shows that I saw was saying that the goal of a drive-thru was to go from the order to the car leaving with the food in 90 seconds. I think that 90 seconds might be a bit hopeful, but certainly three or four minutes should be possible, right? Nope.

There is only one fast food joint here in town, well only one place to get food fast through a drive-thru. It is a Burger King, and while I don’t really like the food there so much that I would eat it if I had any real options, I do eat it once or twice a week. The drive-thru experience usually does only take a couple of minutes, though often times we don’t have quite what it was that we had ordered. If you lived where I live you would understand that the simple fact that we got the food from there at all is enough incentive not to bitch.

I have always assumed that the worst case scenario at a drive-thru would be that someone ordered a burger that was not yet cooked, and that would result in having to wait the two minutes or so that it takes to get one done. Boy was I ever wrong.

On Saturday I worked another split shift, while that left me with a three hour lunch break, I still wanted to be home within ten minutes or so in case the people left to run the store needed to call me. I decided that I would grab a burger from the drive-thru, unless there were more than two cars there in which case I was going to just buy a sandwich at a convenience store. It turned out that there were only two cars at the drive-thru so I figured the experience to be about six minutes at most. In some alternate universe it may have even happened that way, it sure as hell didn’t here.

I have come up with a short set of “Drive-Thru Commandements” based on my experience on Saturday. I will list those here while bitching about my particular experience.

Thou Shalt Not Exit Thy Vehicle

The second car up from me had to wait for a minute or so while the one at the window (which I was not able to see in my earlier two car assessment) was waiting for their food. During this period of time you could clearly see that the woman was talking on a cell phone. Once the car that was in front of her had left, she pulled forward. About thirty seconds after she had arrived at the window I saw her put her cell phone down on the seat. Then she got out of her truck. My first thought was that maybe her window would not roll down, we have all been there, right?

Thou Shalt Have Thy Coin Ready

When the woman got out of her truck she proceeded to spend about two minutes digging through the pockets of her pants, handing the cashier a bill or a coin each time she found one. There seemed to be bills and coins in every pocket of the pants. Must be some new-fangled accounting system or something, yet if you are gonna do it, do it right. Maybe One dollars bills in the front right pocket, fives in the front left pocket, tens in the rear right, twenties in the rear left, and use your imagination for larger denominations.

Thou Shalt Not Order So Much Food As To Confuse Astrophysicists

The woman was alone, driving in a mini truck (I think it was a Chevy S-10), yet she got enough food for an army. The drink count was five, as they came out one at a time they were easy to count, especially since she then had to get into the truck to secure each drink, one by one. After the drinks came the food, four bags total, four big bags.

Thou Shalt Pull Forward To Check Thy Order When Others Are Waiting

While holding her receipt in her hand (the receipt was longer than many a college thesis), she proceeded to go through each bag, one by one, and place a mark through each item on her receipt. When she had completed the fourth bag I saw her holding the receipt to the cashier, I am sure that she was saying something like, “Well, I didn’t get this one”.

Thou Shalt Dispute Orders INSIDE The Establishment

The woman then handed back all four bags of food and the receipt to the window person. Thankfully the drinks must not have been in question as they did not go back. There must have been some sort of an audit going on inside the building but we will never know. About three minutes later the window opened, once again, and four bags of food were again provided. Again the woman went through them item by item.

Thou Shalt Leave The Pick-Up Window Immediately On Completion Of Transaction

The woman then got back into her truck, thankfully. Yet instead of driving away she picked her cell phone back up and dialed a number. This particular sequence only took thirty seconds or so, but it pissed me off more than the rest of it combined. If you are buying food for half a dozen people you really should go ahead and go into the place. Especially if you are going to get out of your car and stand there for over eight minutes disputing the order and looking for cash.

Thou Shalt Put A Stone Through The Skull Of Any Person Who Has Broken All Of These Commandments

I will admit that I did not put a stone through her skull, but I had no stone you see…If I would have had a stone I would likely be making this update from prison. I do not know why anyone would try to make such a large order through a drive-thru. It would be one thing if you were doing all value meals or something (which was not the case here for sure), why would you try to order all of that crap, then continue to break all of these commandments?

Just as a ‘for instance’, the guy that was in front of me had his cash ready, paid the girl and threw the bag on the seat. Total time at the pick-up window, about 12 seconds. My transaction was even faster since I told them to keep the extra penny. If I had been in posesession of a Penny Gun like they created over there at MythBusters (they were trying to see what velocity a penny would have to reach to penetrate human flesh/skulls), I may be in prison also.

That is about enough for today. Take the “Drive-Thru Commandments” to heart or you may be the first victim.

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