False advertising!

So do you remember all of those commercials from the 1990’s that said, “A diamond is forever.”? They lied.

It turns out that the actual lifespan of said diamond is about four years, seven months and three days. That all being based on the date that I gave my wife her engagement ring (Xmas Eve of 2000) to the day that the diamond was noticed to be missing, which was yesterday.

Do you have any idea how bad a diamond ring looks without the diamond? It is not pretty.

I thought the diamond was supposed to last forever. Why is it that the ring is still in decent shape (with the possible exception of missing one of the mounts that held the diamond) while the diamond has vanished completely? Is this some strange conspiracy cooked up by the diamond sellers? Diamonds don’t usually just disappear you know.

I know the missing mount might be part of the reason that the diamond has gone missing, probably the main reason really, but it still just doesn’t seem right to have my wife, in all her beauty, walking around with a tan line around where her wedding band should be. She is my wife dammit! Hands off! And while I am on that subject, neither her or myself appreciate you gawking at her breasts. Hands off!

Anyway. If a diamond really is forever, shouldn’t they come up with a mount that is at least a decade? Failing that, they could at least mention that since the diamond is going to outlast the ring you might want to have it checked on occasion. No one ever told me that when I bought the damn ring. Now I have a wife walking around with a black heart on her left hand where her wedding band should be (of course the black heart was the ring that she wore for years before I actually decided to propose so it’s not so bad). Still, the diamond may be forever (wherever you lost it, forever) but the ring is still on the finger. While the diamond is gone…Work on that all you jewelers, we need to make the rings last as long as the diamonds.

Archaeologists have unearthed jewelry that is over 2,000 years old, many of those pieces still have the precious gems intact. Are you telling me that two millennia of technology has worsened the process? Damn lazy jewelers with their damn profit margins.

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