What time is it?

Rejoice! I have decided to update my page today! If you don’t want to rejoice you don’t have to, I am not really doing it myself. One of the benefits of having a little site like this, particularly one that is not read daily by more than a handfull of people, is that no one really gives a damn if there is new content or not. I am sure that the people who do read it must find some sort of satisfaction in it ( I am guessing here ), but that lends itself more to the ‘snooping around in other people’s business’ category. You read what I write, yet don’t care if I don’t write, you are just taking a peek into my life. That seems to be the actual defenition of a BLOG. However, I have never billed this site as a BLOG, and don’t really consider it as such. Most of the BLOGs that I read are either political, or spend a lot of time talking about current events. That is something that I am trying to avoid here. I do talk about the news when it gets me into a bitching mood, and the same with politics. Yet, if I were to start doing that exclusively I would lose the whole point of the creation of this site.

I just love to bitch. It is my life’s blood. The unfortunate side effect of that is that no one really wants to listen to me do it anymore. Sure, the wife will listen, but the rest of the world just doesn’t seem to care. So, when I type my bitch down (maybe the next USHER song, ‘type my bitch down’), it feels like I am venting it. It really does help to clear my head and get back into focus. I do have to pay the twenty bucks a year for the domain name, and eight bucks a month for the hosting, but that seems like small potatoes when I think about how theraputic the site is (not to mention that lots of men my age are paying quadruple that price to look at porn).

Now I will put the incoherent preamble aside and get to the bitching!

• What time is it?

I don’t know how many people out there are like me. I may just be that weird freak that everyone talks about. I always keep my wrist-watch in perfect time (well not that I call every day to make sure, but within a second or two is okay), yet I have a habit of setting the time on my alarm clock thirty minutes ahead (of course that has to be almost exactly thirty minutes, else I would be fucked). Why do I do this? Well, I want the alarm to go off early enough that I will be able to get out of bed. Sometimes, when the alarm goes off, I think that maybe it wasn’t really the alarm, or maybe it was in a dream (my dreams are usually very vivid). By the time I actually wake enough to look over at the clock, the alarm might have been sounding for several minutes. When I do eventually look to the clock, I think that it is thirty minutes later than it really is, that sort of shocks me back to reality. While it would seem that you would get used to it after a while, I still manage to get tricked every day.

The hard part, you see, is to get me out of whatever dream I am currently in. It is amazing how your mind can integrate real time outside noises into the little world you create while you are asleep. Last Sunday, for instance, the wife nudged me to tell me to turn off the alarm. Her nudge wakened me to the point that I realized that the beeping sound was not the garbage truck (in the dream) backing up for me to throw in trash. Yet, once I turned off the alarm, I was back in the garbage truck, rolling down the street to collect refuse from every house.

Sometimes it takes a couple of whacks at the ‘snooze bar’ before I actually roll over to look at the clock. While you would think that I would look at the clock and immediately register that I have it set thirty minutes later than it really is, it never happens. Almost always it shocks me into waking from a dream. At that point I do remember the odd setting of my clock, but, like I said, sometimes it takes a few whacks of the ‘snooze bar’ before I give up on the dream.

I suppose that I should thank the random fluctuations of time and space that I am not a sleep-walker. If I had that condition, added to the lucid dreaming, I might not be here to type about it now. Yes, I do know that everyone dreams, yes, I do know that they all seem real. But (and this is a very big but), have you ever gone out the next morning and dug a hole in your back yard based on a dream? Now that I am sounding like some whacked-out UFOlogist, I should mention that I only did that once, and to no success.

I would never have guessed that my little, innocuous story about all the clocks in the house showing a different time would have lead to all that. Of course I didn’t ever get to the point about all of the clocks in the house having different times, which was what I was planning to do a couple of paragraphs ago.

Anyway, the time is kind of based on what room you are in around here. With the exception of my alarm clock, I don’t think any other (functioning) clock in the house is more than a few minutes off. While one clock might be five minutes fast, and another five minutes slow, actual time will come into play eventually. I have never tried to get dressed in the room with the clock that is the furthest behind, yet I am pretty sure that time itself would have continued on. (i.e. I can pick a room with a clock that says I am not late, but the clock at work doesn’t confirm that decision).

Damn, it is now 11:11, 11:35, 11:44 or 11:01, depending on the clock I look at. No wonder I have weird issues with time…

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