MSN

Yesterday sucked.

In the interest of trying to keep my mind going all in the same direction, while I am thinking about ten times faster than I type, I am going to try to be a bit more concise, while not taking away from the absolute witless -Wit’Uls…indeed…- comments that I am posting.

So, of course, nothing at all happened as I had planned it yesterday after I made my post. It was my every intention to just go ahead any sight-type another of my Arthur Witles stories. What actually happened was that I went ahead and called up MSN customer support to see if we could get to the root of the problem regarding my inability to send email through my new web site server email address.

Normally when I call tech support for any reason (for any product at all) it is because I have already exhausted all other options, as was the case here. The represenititive started asking me if I had done this, that and the other ( the kind of crap that I am sure about 96% of their calls are solved by ) and I assured him that I had. In addition, I provided him with the exact error message that I was seeing, as well as the IP address of the site that I was trying to access email through. I further offered to reset my password temporarily so that he could check and see that yes, it was not possible to send email through this server using Outlook.

The ‘technician’ that I spoke to seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by the amount of information that I was giving him. He must have known that he was way out of his league on this case, so he forwarded me to a supervisor (i.e. a different pimple-faced kid with more hours of Quake under his belt). That simply led to me telling him that I had already tried x, then y, then z, then a few things I thought may actually help to circumvent the problem. He eventually transferred me to another ‘tech’ who was using the same operating system as me (this is almost forty minutes into the call, btw).

So, damn near an hour into the call, and they finally get a guy on the line with the same OS as me? The efficiency is astounding… At any rate, this guy seemed to be another grunt. He had the same base OS as me, but did not have any actual information to offer. He basically just had the same exact tabs in the setup and options screens, but the setup and options was SO not my problem at that point. I mentioned that I thought the problem might involve the fact that I can not access MSN through another computer because the screen where you put in your username/password changes that into an incoherent string of numbers, he had no idea what I was talking about -if you have MSN internet access, give it a go, set your modem to try to dial a local access number and log in with your username/ pword, it will not let you do it.- So for checking MSN mail the Outlook will work, since you are already logged on to that account, and whatever logorhythm they are using has already been checked.

So, this ‘tech’ had had enough of me, and sent me to yet another ‘tech’. This ‘tech’ was telling me that in order to send/receive ‘web-based’ email you have to use your password for that web-based site. I assured him that I had an actual pop3 and smtp protocol on this server and asked him to send me an email, I told him that I would read it back to him as soon as I got it, since my pop3 mail (delivery system) was working properly, but my smtp (sending system) was not. When I read back the subject line to him, “youarea” and the body of the message; “loser”. He sounded to be at least a bit uncomfortable, and transferred me to yet another ‘supervisor’ (how many supervisors can they possibly have over there at MSN at 11p.m. Arizona time? At least two.)

You would like to think that this guy was the one who solved my problem, wouldn’t you? I would have liked to have thought that to, but in reality he was simply the most ‘chatty’ ‘tech-support’ guy that i have ever spoken with. 108% of me thinks that he was just another grunt that knew less about computers than I do. He was, however, the first guy who actually offered me a few options that I had not yet considered. Bonus points for that.

Now I am about two hours into this call, and the guy asks me when the last time I did the ‘critical updates’ for windows was. It was only a few months ago, but, I had since re-installed the OS because of a FUBAR on my initial hard-drive. At this point I am kicking myself in the ass for letting that fact slip my mind. I go to the site and download 14 megs of critical updates (it took hours, but I was busying myself with other things at the time). I then deleted all of my mail accounts on Outlook (as per his instruction), and set them up again. Which, of course, didn’t work.

I sit here still, with a MicroSoft Windows 98 system, an account through MSN.com, trying to use MicroSoft Outlook Express to gain access to be able to send messages through my shadowtwin.com address, and it is just not going to happen. If you are reading this, it is likely that you feel the pain that I feel, which is not really pain, but, anger at the fact that a huge company like MicroSoft can not make their new software compatible with their old software.

July 2017

Cancer: 6/22-7/22
For 34 years you have been painstakingly removing a single hair from the head of each of woman you murder -with plans to weave them into a belt. A mishap involving a a candle-warmer, a vacuum cleaner, and the police breaking down the door to take you 'dead or alive' will bring your collecting days to an unfortunate end.

Leo: 7/23-8/22
Your plan to rook your boyfriend into marrying you by faking a pregnancy will fail this week. There are several reasons why this plan will fail: 1) you have denied him sex for your entire relationship, promising him that flower on the honeymoon. 2) You actually are pregnant. 3) You've been wearing a T-shirt that says 'Gold Digger' on it since the day you met him. 4) The single strand of hair that the Cancer (horoscope above) pulls from your head will be the one and only time he leaves his own DNA at the crime scene.

Virgo: 8/23-9/22
Okay, maybe the stars have been a bit harsh. They know you are a good guy, but you've made a lot of mistakes. The stars are willing to meet at Gina's Coffee Shop on July 12th at noon. If you aren't there, you may as well write off visitation of your kids.

Libra: 9/23-10/22
98% That is the specific number you will give your wife before you jump out of the plane. That optimistic chance of survival will slowly fade as you realize that gravity doesn't care a great deal if you have your arms out or not: Terminal velocity is terminal velocity. Your attempt to recreate the famous scene from the movie Point Break will end just as it should have in the movie: A horrible mass of flesh and bone several miles away from the guy who actually did have the parachute.

Scorpio: 10/23-11/21
The stars have a huge "to do" list. As such, your childhood wish to have sex with Anna Nichole Smith will finally come true this week. No, there's no way to stop it. The stars do apologize for the lateness of the fulfillment of this request, but they think your friends will count it anyway.

Sagitarius: 11/22-12/21
You've seen the movie The Number 23 exactly twenty-two times. You've built your life around avoiding that number. You''ll feel supremely confident when you leave your house on 07/12/2017. But, on 07/12/2017, you will step onto the sidewalk only to be struck and killed by a drunk driver. The time of impact? Exactly 11:01:00am on 07/12/2017. You will have exactly enough time to add up the digits of the date AND time: 1+1+0+1+0+0+0+7+1+2+2+0+1+7=23. Your realization that any date, time, or irrelevant number can be made to equal 23 will be moot.

Capricorn: 12/22-1/19
The stars have been watching you. And your daughter. Oh my, how we have been watching your daughter... Blah, blah, something about a star rising in Orion, blah, blah. The stars will definitely offer you better guidance once that daughter is of legal age.

Aquarius: 1/20-2/18
Every man wants to die a hero. That's human nature. But you have obsessed about it. When little Johnny accidentally starts a fire in his trash can this week, you should calmly walk out of the house with everyone else. If you happen to stand in Johnny's room screaming "take me, I'm the one you want!" That action may be ill-perceived by the police. The firefighters aren't even going to respond; the trash can fire burned itself out without even melting the plastic of the can.

Pisces: 2/19-3/20
Billy-Ray has been wearing that mullet for thirty damn years, so you figured yours would be fine, too. You'll soon realize that Billy-ray can rock that hairdo because he doesn't have to get it near the shake machine at Dairy Queen. You, on the other hand, have to get those lovely locks right up in there. Or, your now-naked scalp did.

Aries: 3/21-4/19
While the police report will read "failed attempt to jump the Grand Canyon", and the coroner's report will read "severe blunt-force trauma", everyone who knows you will know that they should have read "Eh, I think I can make it."

Taurus: 4/20-5/20
Rape. It's a big, scary word. It will also be the most appropriate word for what the biggest guy in jail is about to do to you. Please confer with a Cancer for advice on how to handle it.

Gemini: 5/21-6/21
Yeah, your Lyft driver is also carrying a knife. Unwanted advances will also result in removal of the penis. Keep it in your pants. Unless, of course, the Uber driver already handed it to you. In that case you can wave that thing around like a flag. You're probably not going to get a ride, but you are going to be one in a very exclusive group of men who can 'wave it around like a flag'.

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